Time with PawPa...

When we are young, very few of us take the time to really get to know our grandparents. Sure, we know their names....their kids....where they have lived for as long as we've been alive...etc, but we don't REALLY know who they are/were outside of being our grandparents. Or at least I didn't.

Sadly for me, my grandparents on my dad's side passed away when I was in high school. My grandpa (Jess Anderson) had Alzheimers and passed away when I was in the 10th grade. He was the hardest-working man I ever met! There were many weekends when I'd show up and he'd be chopping wood out back at 80 years old. He was incredible. He never had money to speak of, but every time I saw him he'd try to slip me a dollar or two. He was very sweet and loved me very much.

Grandma Anderson (Sophena Zuma Anderson) died from pancreatic cancer. She was an Avon lady for at least 20 years, and she was a great seamstress as well, luckily for me. Every Christmas I'd receive a bunch of random Avon products (such as roll-on deodorant, cheap jewelry, etc) and a quilt. When I was younger, I didn't look forward to these gifts at all....but now, I have 11 quilts in my house, keeping my loved ones warm...and I love it! For as nice as Grandpa Anderson was, Grandma Anderson was the opposite (to me).

It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized why my grandparents were like they were. First of all, they never had any money to speak of. They worked hard their entire lives...never went on vacations...never put kids through school, always working as hard as they could just to manage. Secondly, they had a little girl, Barbara, who died when she was 18 months old from pnemonia. She was their second-born, and from what my parents have told me it doesn't seem like Grandma every got over this. I can't imagine. Then...their first granddaughter died at 18months old from falling out of her high chair. After that, my Aunt Paulette (their only daughter) died at middle-age from MS. No parents should have to see their child die....and to lose 2 kids and a grandbaby so young?? So sad. I don't live life with many regrets, but I do regret not truly getting to know my dad's parents more than I did. I would have loved to have heard about them falling in love....about the war my Grandpa fought in...about my father as a little boy, or even a young adult...but I never had those conversations. If I'd known more about their lives, maybe I'd have been more understanding of Grandma's lack of emotion...who knows. I wish I could do that over again.

My mom's parents have lived in TX their entire lives. My grandma (Bernice Eloise Beers)..."NeeNaw" to us grandkids, died on my mom's birthday 2 years ago. She had cancer. My grandpa (James Colin Beers) is living in Bogota, TX, and is 83 years old. I didn't know either of them very well until 3 years ago, when I started my new job and realized that my corporate office is 1.5 hrs from their house in TX. I'm not kidding...the first time I drove to TX for work I literally drove by their house (which is so random, as their house is in the middle of nowhere!) on my way to work. Talk about a sign!

I stopped by their house the first time I drove by and surprised them. This was the first time I'd ever been their without my mom with me...the first time I'd really been there as an adult. I was acutely aware of how much they had aged since I'd seen them last. I stopped by their house every 2-3 weeks for several weeks before NeeNaw took a turn for the worse. She ended up coming to AR and staying with my parents for a while so that she could go through some surgeries and have a caretaker for recovery. Unfortunately, she never got to go home. I was there for her the whole time...and there for my mom. It was hard. Being in the room with her while we took her off of her machines was by far the hardest thing I've ever done. It was so sad and I still start bawling every time I think about it.

I try to see PawPa at least monthly, although the past few months have been crazy. He sooo looks forward to me coming to see him, and I look forward to just being around him. He can't get around much, so I generally show up and clean for a few hours, then spend the next day or so just visiting with him. I've made a point to ask him to tell me stories..such as the birth of my mom (and her siblings)...how he met Grandma....where he use to work....anything I can think of. And he gets so excited to tell me! I feel like...for the first time...I have a sense of who one of my grandparents is...and he's awesome!

Every time I leave Pawpa, I cry. I think of the missed opportunities I had with my dad's parents....and with NeeNaw. I think about how sad Pawpa is that the love of his life is gone. I think about how it must feel to be elderly and alone. I wonder if...when I'm 80...will my grandkids want to know who I am or who I use to be? Will my stories bore them? Will I even remember any of the details that I am constantly obsessing over in my current life? It's sad to think about. But on the upside...Pawpa sure did enjoy my visit this weekend!

This first picture is a family picture of my PawPa and NeeNaw and their kids. My mom is on the far left. The second picture is my PawPa and NeeNaw in their 70s, and the last picture is of them in their 20s. How good lookin' were they? WOW!