Doc Appointment #572

I had my monthly follow-up with Dr. Pappas this morning, and it went well. Here's a recap of my last few weeks as far as baby-making goes:

- Day one of my cycle was March 10th. I only had some light spotting for one day, so I thought that was weird.

- I took 100mg of Clomid on day 3 - 7

- I was hoping to have a +OPT on day 10 since I had to travel for work, but that didn't happen. I ended up testing positive on Friday the 23rd (day 14)...and I was in Dallas (without Chris)!! I was so irritated. Anyway, I got home Sunday and Chris and I 'concentrated relations' for a few days in hopes of still catching this cycle. It'll be close. =(

- Three days after the +OPT I started the Progesterone suppository. It isn't as bad as I thought, thankfully

- Yesterday I went in and had blood work done to test my progesterone levels

This brings me to today and my meeting with the doc. I go in monthly to discuss what we are doing/where we are at/what days things are happening/next steps/etc...and this appointment was no different. After going through the last few week's details, we reviewed my blood work...and it was awesome. =) My progesterone level was a 10, which he said is excellent. Yay! Meds are doing their job! So, next steps:

- There is a chance we caught the timing this month and could be pregnant. I'll go in next Friday, April 6th for a test

- If I'm pregnant, YAY! I'll continue the progesterone for 12 weeks and go from there

- If I'm not pregnant, I will discontinue use of the progesterone so that my body will have a period and we'll start the cycle all over

Dr. P also asked me if I want to try IUI this next cycle if I'm not pregnant or if I want to give it one last 'natural' try. IUI stands for intrauterine insemination...which is pretty much where the doctor injects the sperm into my uterus so that it is all right there as soon as the egg is released. I'm leaning towards going ahead and going with the IUI....I just want to be as aggressive as possible. We shall see.

That's pretty much it! I'll continue on with the progesterone for the next week, then I'll test and go from there. Fingers crossed....

Have a great weekend! MUAH!

I needed a break!

What song always makes you happy when you hear it? Gin and Juice, by the Gourds (not Phish, and many assume)

What, if anything, would you change about your blog? I wish I had the guts to go 'all in' with my thoughts and feelings and the reality of situations. I get close sometimes, but I'm not quite there

If you could only keep one thing in your wardrobe, what would it be? This is tough, oddly. I love clothes! Luckily I turned most of my old school and concert show shirts into a t-shirt quilt, so I don't have to worry about losing those. =) Ok...I'm going with my favorite green cardigan. Which I'm wearing right now, of course

Warm sunny beaches or snow covered mountains? I honestly love both...but the beaches always win out because the ocean is the coolest thing in the world to me. Chris and I (and 8 of our friends) are going to the beach in less than a month....I can't wait!

What is your favorite book? This is also hard, as I was an English major and am an avid reader still to this day. I average a book a week...often two. If I could only choose one, I guess I'd go with The Hunger Games. KIDDING!!! Tricked ya, didn't I? I do like that series a lot, but not my favorite. I can't pick one...anything Faulkner is good. Or Tom Robbins

What three words best describe your personality? Well, this one is easy to me- candid, funny and loyal

What is the first thing you'd splurge on if you won the lottery? Assuming I've already paid off anything and everything Chris and I currently own, I'd buy land...in multiple places. I'd buy land to build my dream home on...and I'd buy land to have to have as a getaway

Do you have an embarrassing song that you rock out to on you I-pod? Ha ha ha...yes...lots of them! Most embarrassing? Probably Will Smith's Wild Wild West

Do you have a hidden talent? Several, of course. But most importantly, I can move my big toe and middle toe separately from the rest of my toes. And a couple of other weird toe tricks.

If you could take a one month trip anywhere and money was not a consideration, where would you go? My instinct says to put Bali or Bora Bora...but I assume Chris will be with me, and since he's a ginger I wouldn't want to force him to be in the sun for 30 days straight. =) So...I'd probably plan a trip that included Ireland, Scotland and Spain...I can't pick just one

What is your favorite sport and why? My favorite sport to PLAY is volleyball, baby! I love love love it. My favorite sport to watch is college football. I don't love to watch any sports, but I do enjoy college football now..mainly because my hubby's love and obsession has been forced upon me for so long now that I just had to succumb to the sport

C is for Candid

In case anyone missed it, directly below my blog title is a warning:

WARNING: What you are about to view may be highly skewed to the left, brutally frank and possibly offensive. Read at your own risk.

Yes, I included that months ago to be a little funny...but also because it's so true. I am candid (hence the blog title). I am abrasive. I am honest. I say things that some people are afraid to say and others are afraid to hear. I just prefer to say it how it is...and you can love me or hate me for it, because I'm ok with that. I know it's a tough pill to swallow, because my dad does the same thing and there have been MANY days/times I didn't want to hear what he was saying....but....it's how I am.

This blog is an outlet for me, obviously, so sometimes my thoughts/feelings/opinions may differ from yours. Sometimes they may even seem irrational (hello, look at my med list) and/or just plain crazy! But...they are mine and writing about them helps me. No one is saying that my opinions/thoughts/feelings are always right or justified....who's are always right/justified? But they are mine...and since this blog is about my life, I'm sharing them.

So...if I offend you, I warned you. And if you think I'm wrong, I'm ok with that (just be aware that it ends up that I am right most of the time, just don't tell my husband lol).

In the spirit of being candid....until today, I had planned on C being for Cucumbers....they are totally my favorite vegetable!

B is for Bawling

When is the last time you cried? Can you remember? What is because you were sad? Mad? Happy? Did you just get something in your eyes? Maybe you cried because of how big of a douche Ben the Bachelor was, yet you wasted hours of your life watching him on tv? Or maybe you cried because you got your Iron Horse sandwich and they were all out of pickles. Who knows. Whatever it was......I'm with you.

I don't know what all is going on with my body right now, but one thing is for sure...I have never cried so much in my life! Don't worry...I'm not sitting here depressed out of my gourd and just bawling about it non-stop. I'm crying for anything and everything and I have little control over it. Here are some examples JUST IN THE PAST WEEK:

1. I'm working on a new item for a big customer, and today I got a call from a higher-up at my company changing the cost on the product (again), which not only puts me out of a specific retail I was trying to hit, but also puts me in a position to have to pass this information on to the buyer without a good explanation. Thank god I was on the phone, because as I was getting the information my face got bright red and tears just started flowing. I was pissed...and somehow that triggered the tears. So weird.

2. So last night I was laying in bed watching terrible television and loving it, and I started thinking about several of my close guy friends whom I love dearly. Lately I have had 2-3 of them on my mind a lot because of their current situations, so I guess that's what made me start thinking about them all. I have one who was LITERALLY left stranded in another state recently from a girl he was seeing...I have one who is such a lover that he gets taken advantage of but can't change it because that's just who he is...I have one who always finds nice companionship, but never gets someone on just the right page as himself.....and I have another who somehow always ends up with the crazy girls. These guys are not just guys I would recommend...they are my family and I think the world of them. So when I see them hurt....or sad...or lonely...I get really sad. Even if they seem ok, my mind goes to the 'what could be' for them and wishes they had what I have because they deserve it 100%. By the way...if any single, sane, good-hearted ladies are reading this and what set-up, let me know! I'll have to check you out first, of course, but you never know!

3. On Saturday I was out shopping with a friend...spending money and having a ball...when I went into this kid's store to look for some things for my BFF's 2 year old. I was in the back, picking up infant clothes and looking them over, when it just hit me so hard that I wanted to be out buying for MY child. I had to the tears under control REAL quick since I was out in public....

4. On Tuesday, I stopped by to visit with my Pawpa on my way to Tyler for work. He was doing pretty good...but that didn't stop me for crying for an hour after I left. I was all good until I started thinking about wanting him to move to AR so I could see him more and help care for him....then I thought of him aging....which led me to thinking of NeeNaw and her passing away....which led to just thinking of death in general...and blah blah blah. Sad drive to say the least!

5. On Monday before I left town, I was laying in bed watching more terrible tv, and Chris came to bed. It usually takes him about 1-2 minutes to smooth pass out once he's in bed...so before long, I was watching tv and listening to him snore. Sometimes I get annoyed and elbow him and shake my head and say "REALLY?" Other times I laugh because I'm shocked how quickly he can be talking to me and then be OUT. This night, maybe because I knew I wasn't going to see him for almost a week, I turned the tv off and just cuddled with him. My thoughts immediately went to how much I love him and how lucky I am....then to OMG what would I do without him and again..emotional snowball! I had to roll over to make sure I didn't wake him up from crying all over him!

So just call me McBawlinger from now on if you want, I understand! Hopefully this will stop at some point...it's annoying. Just be warned...if you make me mad...or sad..or embarrassed....or really happy....prepare to reach for the tissues!

A is for Anderson

So I have a few friends who blog who have done this whole alphabet game on their blogs- where you start with A and go through the alphabet, assigning a word to each letter and explaining why. Often during the week I find that I want to blog, but don't have time to REALLY get into anything.... so I think this will be fun. Plus, I'll have updates more often, which should be fun for you, too. =)

Obviously, A is for Anderson! I grew up as Jennifer Lynn Anderson, and when I got married I changed my name to Jennifer Anderson Hottinger. I just couldn't get rid of my maiden name! A few reasons I love it:

- I was always in the front of lines/called first or second/etc in school. I have never had much patience, so having a last name that started with A was helpful. ;)

- I played sports, so a lot of people actually called me Anderson on a regular basis. As a girl named Jennifer growing up in the 80s, it was kind of nice to be called a name that didn't have 5 other girls in the room responding!

- My grandpa Anderson was awesome...and the name always makes me think of him

- I had a group of friends at RHS who (unbeknowngst to me) decided to form a sort of 'fan club' for me for volleyball (I was pretty good, I admit). They made t-shirts and everything...and the front said ANDERSON 3:16. It was a play off of the wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin (who had a catchphrase of Austin 3:16)....I guess because they thought I was a powerhouse? LOL. I thought it was hilarious...and awesome...until my coach saw the shirts at the game and gave me the whole "there is no I in team" speech. Anyway, I got two of these shirts eventually, and now I have one on my t-shirt quilt to remind me of the good ole' days (and I still wear the other one to bed). =)

So yes, I love the name Anderson. In fact, if we ever have a little boy...

Thursday Throwdown

Things I am hating right now:

1. Ben, The Bachelor. He is so lame. I was so excited to watch this season, but it has been a complete snooze-fest!

2. The forecast for this weekend. My in-laws are going to be in town and I really wanted to walk them around downtown Bentonville...and it's suppose to rain all weekend. Blerg!

3. The sickness. Whatever this 'bug' is that has been going around- I started getting it on Saturday and was down for the count most of the week. Besides an AWFUL Sunday of moaning and tossing and turning and not eating, my energy has been zapped all week. And Chris got it too, which makes it all worse.

4. Paula, annoying chick on the Real World/Road Rules Challenges. No main reason to hate her, she just annoys me beyond belief. Every single time she comes on the screen to talk I start rolling my eyes. And yes, you may be rolling your eyes that I still watch these challenges...but I LOVE them!

5. Pregnant Teenagers. Sure, some of my disdain for them comes from jealousy and the fact that they are pregnant and I'm not...ok, most of my disdain.

6. The 2012 GOP Candidates. I am not usually a fan of most of the GOP candidates, but I also don't usually hate on them. This year is different...we are surrounded by sexist, racist, vile idiots! I am consistently shocked at the things I read in the news that come out of the mouths of these fools. It's appalling.

7. The fact that no matter how hard I try, I can never get tickets to go see Ellen! I have wanted to go see her for several years, but it's next to impossible to get tickets to her show. I wish they would just sell them and let me buy some! Seriously...I feel like the only way I'll ever get to see her is if we have a semi land on our house or something. She's incredible.

8. Taking Medicine. I am REALLY sick of taking meds! Depending on what time of the month it is, I take up to 12 pills in one day. It gets old.

9. Living in Bella Vista. I want to move!! Chris and I have been ready to move for a long time, but with the market as it is we are stuck for a while in the lovely town of Bella Vista. We have a nice home...we have great neighbors..it's not THAT bad. But, on the other side, Chris has to commute to Fayetteville 5 times a week....we don't get to see some of our great friends very often because we live so far away from Fayetteville...I'd like a bigger home for entertaining and possible kids rooms...blah blah blah. I don't even like to think about it because we don't have any options anytime soon, unfortunately.

10. Stress. I'm what many would call a 'natural stressor.' Is that even a thing? Ha! What I mean, is that I tend to stress about anything and everything and I have no control over it. I have a hard time 'turning off' my mind about work/life/etc....and the only thing I've found that really helps is mindless tv. Seriously, even when I watch shows I LOVE like The Walking Dead or Parenthood I find myself stressing or crying or whatever about their situations. Anyway, stress is not good for me or for a possible pregnancy...so it needs to go away. So now I stress about stressing. For real.

What do you hate?

Fertility Update

To start with, please ignore this post if you don't want to hear about my lady business. =)

I went to the doctor last Friday hopeful that I could possibly be pregnant. You see, it had been over three full weeks since I ovulated, and generally women either start menstruation or get a positive pregnancy test within two weeks. At that point, I had done neither, so I figured there was some hope there, ya know? Home pregnancy tests are wrong all the time, right?

After peeing in the cup for the nurse and then reviewing my information with the doc, I started in on the questions- was I pregnant? If not, why hadn't I started my period? Is the clomid dosage enough? What are the next steps? I wasn't quite expecting the answers I got.

Ends up, my body isn't producing enough progesterone (or so the doc thinks at this point). Why is this important? Progesterone does a million different things for pregnancy, but one of the most important things it does is that it 'prepares' the uterus for a baby...and keeps it from contracting so that the fertilized egg can actually implant.

The good news is that Chris's swimmers and my eggs are actually hooking up and fertilizing and forming embryos. The bad news is that my uterus is rejecting them a couple of weeks down the process and forcing them to miscarry because of my progesterone levels. This is why I don't 'start' two weeks after I ovulate. Like now...I'm a month out and just waiting for this to happen so that I can start the next cycle of meds/etc.

The other good news is that the doctor has a plan for me (for this month at least- I am now seeing him every 4 weeks, so things will continue to change I'm sure). Next steps:

1. Whenever I finally 'start' again, I will be doubling my Clomid meds on day
3-7 of my cycle

2. I will 'concentrate relations' (as the doc says) as needed leading up to
Ovulation

3. 3 days after I test positive for Ovulation, I have to start taking a
Progesterone suppository. This is suppose to be a pill that I literally
have to stick up my lady parts every single night before I go to bed. I
will do this for 30 days and will then test for pregnancy. If pregnant, I
have to continue this process for at least the first 12 weeks. If not preg,
I stop the suppositories and that will allow a period to come

4. 7 days after I test positive for Ovulation I have to go do some more blood work to check my Progesterone levels and something else...can't remember

Confused yet? I was at first, but I think it has all sunk in now. I've had a few rough days where I've thought about the fact that I still haven't started...and how there is still this fertilized egg inside of me trying to find a comfy spot to land and grow...and it just bums me out because I know it won't find that spot and I just have to wait for it. I can't help but be bummed. I know the fact that the doc is figuring some things out is positive. I know starting new steps is positive. All this can only help.....but right now I'm sad. And that's ok.

Tunes

Top five artists for this week (meaning I've been playing them non-stop at my desk, pretty much):

1. Regina Spektor

2. Santigold

3. Freelance Whales

4. Metric

5. Imogene Heap