B is for Bawling

When is the last time you cried? Can you remember? What is because you were sad? Mad? Happy? Did you just get something in your eyes? Maybe you cried because of how big of a douche Ben the Bachelor was, yet you wasted hours of your life watching him on tv? Or maybe you cried because you got your Iron Horse sandwich and they were all out of pickles. Who knows. Whatever it was......I'm with you.

I don't know what all is going on with my body right now, but one thing is for sure...I have never cried so much in my life! Don't worry...I'm not sitting here depressed out of my gourd and just bawling about it non-stop. I'm crying for anything and everything and I have little control over it. Here are some examples JUST IN THE PAST WEEK:

1. I'm working on a new item for a big customer, and today I got a call from a higher-up at my company changing the cost on the product (again), which not only puts me out of a specific retail I was trying to hit, but also puts me in a position to have to pass this information on to the buyer without a good explanation. Thank god I was on the phone, because as I was getting the information my face got bright red and tears just started flowing. I was pissed...and somehow that triggered the tears. So weird.

2. So last night I was laying in bed watching terrible television and loving it, and I started thinking about several of my close guy friends whom I love dearly. Lately I have had 2-3 of them on my mind a lot because of their current situations, so I guess that's what made me start thinking about them all. I have one who was LITERALLY left stranded in another state recently from a girl he was seeing...I have one who is such a lover that he gets taken advantage of but can't change it because that's just who he is...I have one who always finds nice companionship, but never gets someone on just the right page as himself.....and I have another who somehow always ends up with the crazy girls. These guys are not just guys I would recommend...they are my family and I think the world of them. So when I see them hurt....or sad...or lonely...I get really sad. Even if they seem ok, my mind goes to the 'what could be' for them and wishes they had what I have because they deserve it 100%. By the way...if any single, sane, good-hearted ladies are reading this and what set-up, let me know! I'll have to check you out first, of course, but you never know!

3. On Saturday I was out shopping with a friend...spending money and having a ball...when I went into this kid's store to look for some things for my BFF's 2 year old. I was in the back, picking up infant clothes and looking them over, when it just hit me so hard that I wanted to be out buying for MY child. I had to the tears under control REAL quick since I was out in public....

4. On Tuesday, I stopped by to visit with my Pawpa on my way to Tyler for work. He was doing pretty good...but that didn't stop me for crying for an hour after I left. I was all good until I started thinking about wanting him to move to AR so I could see him more and help care for him....then I thought of him aging....which led me to thinking of NeeNaw and her passing away....which led to just thinking of death in general...and blah blah blah. Sad drive to say the least!

5. On Monday before I left town, I was laying in bed watching more terrible tv, and Chris came to bed. It usually takes him about 1-2 minutes to smooth pass out once he's in bed...so before long, I was watching tv and listening to him snore. Sometimes I get annoyed and elbow him and shake my head and say "REALLY?" Other times I laugh because I'm shocked how quickly he can be talking to me and then be OUT. This night, maybe because I knew I wasn't going to see him for almost a week, I turned the tv off and just cuddled with him. My thoughts immediately went to how much I love him and how lucky I am....then to OMG what would I do without him and again..emotional snowball! I had to roll over to make sure I didn't wake him up from crying all over him!

So just call me McBawlinger from now on if you want, I understand! Hopefully this will stop at some point...it's annoying. Just be warned...if you make me mad...or sad..or embarrassed....or really happy....prepare to reach for the tissues!